I feel like I always have a countdown going. 25 days until the next race, 2 weeks until we find out where we are moving, 8 more months until Boomer is no longer a puppy and starts acting mature (yea right). This could be a bad thing… I’m not living for the moment; not enjoying life right now. But let’s be real. Obsessive planners and Type A personalities do not make “go with the flow” types of people. Some days I question if the military tries to see how crazy they can make me. Navy 135325 Ashleigh 0.
The current countdown is until we move. Actually, the move makes me stressed just thinking about it and I fight the urge to start packing now. Don’t want to jinx it and have to stay in New York forever. The thought of finding out where we are moving, finding a home, packing the apartment, moving two dogs potentially cross-county and really saying “so long” to our families on the East coast is overwhelming to say the least. Lord help us if we get PCS’ed to Guam because I might just lose it. No, I will lose it. The real countdown is until I can start working again. Ever since I got married, I’ve struggled with where my place is. Do I work and potentially work right through all of my husband’s time off? Do I stay home and force our family to be single income? In New York, the right decision for our family was having me stay at home. Plus, we are only here for six months so a full time job was out. I guess saying “forced to be single income” isn’t really true either because we can afford it. Our lifestyle has just changed. We are no longer a young couple making more than 23 year olds should. We now have budgets and coupons.
Like a fellow Navy wife said last week, “It’s damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” How do I justify to normal people that I don’t have children or a job? How do you justify to your husband that you can’t spend his two days off after working 70+ hours last week together because you have to go into work? I’m currently interning three days a week and I still feel the burden of going into work when the hubby has the morning free. We see each other for about 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes at night before he passes out.
I loved working in Charleston. I loved having responsibility, deadlines and a paycheck every two weeks. I loved getting to dress up and tell people “no, I’m not in high school. I work full time for a global company.” It was very hard to leave that all behind. Deep down, I know I made the right decision to leave my job and move to NY with my husband. With his work schedule right now (not to mention the pressure he is under to get qualified ASAP), one of us needs to be “stress free” and able to do the day-to-day chores. And let’s be honest – our apartment currently has stuffing and rope fibers everywhere, the laundry I did two weeks ago is clean, but still sitting on top of the dryer and I’m 85% sure the dishes are clean in the dishwasher. Imagine if someone wasn’t home to do the housework. I keep reminding myself that there are plenty of years to work. There are plenty of months in the near future when the hubby will be out to sea so I need to enjoy this time together. Right now I am needed at home taking care of our personal life and getting everything ready to move again.
This time “underemployed” in New York has taught me that I need to work. I have too much obsessive behaviors that need to be channeled into something productive. I don’t think our closets can take one more organization session. To me, working does more than provide income. It makes me feel valued and like a productive citizen. Heck, it makes me feel like those 4 years at college weren’t a complete waste! Having a job makes me feel proud of myself.
So, I am bound and determined to enjoy my last three months of being underemployed. I am going to enjoy my long runs, go to every group exercise class I can, take the dogs to the park, and cook until my heart is content because as soon as the hubby gets his orders, its back to plastering my resume everywhere I can.